You Know You’re Addicted to Gardening When…

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20170717G Noah Mandel, Flickr

Sometimes gardening gets a bit out of hand! Photo: Noah Mandel, Flickr

  1. You have a nagging desire pull out weeds in other people’s gardens.
  2. You steal the bags of leaves your neighbors put out on the street to use as compost or mulch.
  3. You can never get your fingernails clean
  4. You arrive early so you can be first in line when the botanical garden holds its rare plant sale.
  5. Your vacation plans are largely based on garden visits.
  6. Every home remodeling project includes more space for plants.
  7. When you get home after a hard day at work, you visit your garden before saying hello to your spouse.
  8. Total strangers recognize you as the person they saw wandering in a garden in pajamas holding a cup of coffee.
  9. There are always pots of unplanted plants at the end of your driveway.
  10. You have more pairs of gardening gloves than socks.
  11. You insist that every guest leave your house with a cutting or a division.

    20170717C Clipart Panda

    Your clothes are always dirtier than the kids’.

  12. In the laundry room, your clothes are always dirtier than the kids’ clothes.
  13. You’re known locally as the crazy plant lady.
  14. You keep explaining to your spouse that soil isn’t dirt … and you actually believe it.
  15. You take out your frustrations on the weeds in the garden … and come back in feeling totally zen.
  16. You dumpster dive for plants other people threw out.
  17. You consider weeding your main form of exercise.
  18. You look at hardiness zones as challenge rather than a rule.
  19. You have more photos of your garden than of your grandkids.

    21070717D Wgafterprom.com

    All of these objects would be useful in your garden.

  20. Everything sold at the flea market could find some use in your garden.
  21. People ask how you’re doing and you tell them about the powdery mildew on your zucchini.
  22. You hide plants so your spouse won’t know you’ve yet again been plant shopping.
  23. You spend as much weekly on plants and garden products as you do on groceries.
  24. You always have plastic bags and a shovel in your car’s trunk … for emergencies!
  25. Your family hires a specialist to stage a garden intervention.
  26. You pick up and squash insects between your thumb and forefinger … and enjoy the crunching sound it makes.
  27. At the local garden center, the staff put special plants in a corner just for you.
  28. You admit your garden is totally full, yet you still come home with new plants.
  29. You find the smell of horse manure comforting.

    20170717E dasdata.com

    A headlamp for night gardening. Photo: dasdata.com

  30. You buy yourself a headlamp you can better garden in the dark.
  31. Your balcony is so full of plants, there’s no room for a lawn chair.
  32. You know the Latin name of every plant in your garden, but can’t remember your grandkids’ names.
  33. Your favorite reading material is seed catalogs.
  34. You get up and water wilting plants while at the restaurant.
  35. You selectively prune plants in public gardens and—gosh, how did that happen?—some of the cuttings end up in your handbag.

    20170716B

    Neighbours come to you for gardening advice.

  36. Neighbors always come to you for gardening advice.
  37. The Google Earth satellite image of your property looks like a rainforest canopy.
  38. You’re thrilled when it rains and regard day after day of sunny weather as a calamity.
  39. You go to the local garden center and can’t find one plant you don’t already own.
  40. You sow five times as many seedlings as you have room for.
  41. You give away plants as a hostess gift rather than bottles of wine.
  42. You grab strangers from the street so you can take them on a tour of your garden.
  43. Garden tools and books figure heavily on your Christmas gift list.
  44. You put out less garbage than any of your neighbors, because practically everything goes into your compost pile.

    20170716F Tacluda, rgbstock.com

    Pickups are sooo practical! Photo: Tacluda, rgbstock.com

  45. You change your car for a pickup so you can better carry plants and soil.
  46. Your boss adds “taking care of the office plants” to your job description.
  47. You can’t sun bathe in your backyard because it’s too full of plants.
  48. You feel sorry for people who don’t garden.
  49. By your child’s 2nd birthday, you’re already planning what to plant in place of their sandbox.
  50. That stack of magazines in your bathroom is actually made up of bulb catalogs.20170717G Noah Mandel, Flickr
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